In this world, you cannot be neutral. As much as you fight to be so, you can’t. People won’t allow you to be. You have to believe one way or the other.
I once had a group of friends. Two couples, one in a relationship, and two, me and another, not in a relationship. I’m not going to use real names, so this could get a bit confusing… I’ll use letters.
Couple A(male) and B(female), Couple C(male) and D(female), E(female) and F(male-long distance relationship) and Me (my fellow friend wasn’t involved with this. she was away for college courses).
B was worried about E’s relationship and expressed her concerns in a lie, though it wasn’t really a lie, it was a hypothetical situation. E was too upset to care though and relayed what she though she heard to C and D.
To be fair, I didn’t know what was going on. I noticed everything get cold within the group and pretended nothing was wrong.That wasn’t a good idea but at the same time, it was.
C and D didn’t understand the situation and were making things worse. I talked to B and found out what was wrong and she cried. She hadn’t meant to hurt E’s feelings. Because I comforted B, E thought I was on “B’s side.” That I agreed with E’s perspective on B.
I went to talk to E. She was scared of talking to me at first, but I got into her bubble. I told her I just wanted to hear her side. See what she thought was going on and after she did, I relayed what B had said. E told me she thought I hated her. While I didn’t like her, she was still my friend, as weird as that sounds. I helped her feel more at ease with what was going on.
That should have fixed the situation but…
C and D whispered things to E. They took a broken situation and tried to shatter the glass. I was trying to understand the situation better and I pretended I didn’t have a clue to D. She told me lies and false tales and there was not a thought to finding the truth. The more she talked, the angrier I became.
I said, “I have already talked to B AND E and that’s NOT what she said at all! She said NONE of those things. Why are you trying to break our group apart? You always claim to hate ‘drama’ but jump right in when your friends are having problems!” She was shocked and didn’t say anything. I tried to guilt trip her and make her realize what she was doing. Continuing, “If you really care about B and E, you will stop this nonsense and try to find the truth!” Then I left her. I should have apologized for being so harsh, but I was trying to get them back together.
For a week I didn’t talk to any of them. When I came back I found the situation had been resolved and everyone was okay again. I sucked at trying to stay neutral and hid afterwards.
It’s funny because the only one I’ve kept up with is my friend who was taking college courses. Those classes she took ended up not being worth anything and she now has a kid.
C and D are no longer together and D is now married. E and F are also married but that’s all I know of them any more. I don’t know what happened with A and B.
If I had been more aggressive with keeping my friends, then maybe I’d still talk to them all. I am introverted and I say that this is my true problem.
Neutrality can be more harmful then good, but at the same time, if you don’t intend to figure out all the facts, don’t be “neutral.” Or rather, Fake neutral. Don’t lie about the facts, manipulate them, or say that you know all when you don’t care about it all.