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One of the things I don’t understand, and also a pet peeve, is that people think that they have “marked” you if you do something they weren’t expecting, or something that they would do and not you.

Example: I try to keep a clean mouth. No dirty jokes, no cursing. I offend people enough with my sharp tongue and with saying what’s in my head. No need to add these things to the list.

Anyways, I laugh or uncomfortably smile at the awkward jokes my friends tell. I don’t agree with them, though sometimes they can be funny.

If I get in my weird zone, in which I act crazier than usual, I tend to say things that get me in trouble. I can’t stop myself when I get there.

I was in this mood where I might have made a gay joke. An unclean one, in which I still laugh- disbelief or because it was funny, who knows.

My friends were talking of gays being fashionable (and Project Runway) and getting fashion advise from them and I said that gay guys are probably the last people you’d want to ask for fashionable advise (not all, but it’s that stereotype) and they suck. Then with a serious stare I continued, “No, they really suck.” They died of laughter, I died of laughter and embarrassment (the things that come out of my mouth).

One said, “We’ve broken Tabitha! We’ve influenced her. Why aren’t you like this more often?”

That sobered me. Just because I try to be a good girl doesn’t mean I never think like a bad girl. “It’s always the quiet ones” as it were.

Some friends in high school called me the “Christian Girl,” innocence was my super power, it seemed. They thought I didn’t understand the sex jokes they told, though I did. I just chose not to succumb to their immaturity level. Therefore, whenever I did anything out of character, they would lose their minds and claim my weirdness on their influencing me.

I’m not saying I’ve never tried to influence people, I just try not to say it to their face. It’s not something you should gloat. People tend to get offended and realize what you are doing if you say something to them.

When you try to change people, you tend to pus them away. “Am I not good enough? Do I really need to change?” “Is this what am I to you?”