, , ,

Dear Lacey,

I wish you could have seen the way that I saw you. You were brave, kind, and smart. I always wanted to make you smile, because I could see what you hid.

I ate lunch with you every day so that you would know that there was someone there for you. Someone who believed in you.

Do you remember that shirt you always wore? The pink one that said “Feed the Models” and how every time I saw you wear it, I said, “You should make sure to eat then” or “You should take your advice.” You would laugh and explain to me that it was about models and I would laugh back and say you were one too.

You never ate very much. I tried not to notice, but I did.

I wonder if I never gave you enough positive feedback. You were tall and thin. Your hair was dark and curly but always seemed to look great. I know you were conscious of your facial features and at the age of 15,  those birth defects were hard to deal with.

You were still very beautiful in my eyes, even still.

I know those mean girls targeted you, just as they targeted me. You might have never said anything. But I knew.

I always knew.

You were really special. A star among our peers, I promise.

When you said you were moving, I was worried.

Almost a year went by before I heard anything and I thought of you everyday at lunch. How I wish I had prayed harder.

I understand. They got to you. You were alone again. An easy target for those who wished for blood.

I was pained. You were a star and they saw the darkness and you were consumed.

I wish I could have done more for you. I regret not being able to.

I try to remember everything. All of our conversations. As I get older, it becomes more difficult.

I don’t want to know how they found you. I don’t want to hear the screams. I want to keep you in the best light, because it was that light that you belonged in.

You will always be my friend and I will always remember you in the best light.