Tags

,

I don’t really but emotionally, I feel like I’ve been stabbed with a knife right in the back going through my lungs and barely missing my heart.

I was insulted. I know it wasn’t intentional, but I cannot respond to this person without projecting my hurt feelings on to him.

I cannot respond. He is an insensitive jerk today. I wrote a passionate response about my feelings on a certain subject and I asked my friends to become knowledgeable about the subject.

What do I get from him? Insults and lots of “you this” and “you that” that had nothing to do with what I said.

I’m insulted and hurt. I was being very serious and he reprimanded me like one would to an ignorant child. I’m an adult, in fact, I’m even older than him.

I sit here on the verge of tears and my throat constricts in my attempt not to cry.

I can’t respond to him and I almost deleted my post. My dark side is bubbling up, threatening to burst. I want to flip a table or punch a wall, but I won’t. I’ll contain my boiling anger and cry.

He is socially inept. I shouldn’t take him seriously or personally but I have.

I force away the darkness and lock it into a box, hiding it from the other people who might see it. I hate being treated like a stupid child, like a child who cannot tell right from left.

I slowly calm myself down and remember why I like to pretend to not care, pretend not to see it, and pretend that post doesn’t exist.  My stomach hurts with the thought of pretending again and I feel sick.

I hate people today… People don’t get it and they refuse to understand. They don’t understand me.

I am now tired…I dream of the day when I can force my thoughts on people so they can understand me. When I can write with my brain and not my hands or mouth.

Days that I hate people are also the days I hate myself, because I’m people too. I hurt others in the same way others hurt me. I want to force those close to me away so I know that I can’t hurt them and they can’t hurt me.

I’m sorry if this is depressing. I am not the only one who feels like this, I am not the first, and I won’t be the last. I’ll probably feel better about people in a little while, but I won’t be going back to that post…

Advertisements